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by GhostQueen



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Study, Gen, Hopeful Ending, No Dialogue, POV Second Person, Suicidal Thoughts, Unreliable Narrator, i pick and choose what i want from canon and you just have to deal with it, no editing we die like demigods before they turn 20
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:54:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23654932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostQueen/pseuds/GhostQueen
Summary: You’re down to your last seed. You stare at it for a long time, wondering if it’s even worth eating at this point. You’ve held on to false hope for too long. No one’s coming to save you.Your death would be the consequence of their fear, but maybe they were right to be afraid. You’re a vindictive liar whose loyalties are unclear to everyone but yourself. You’ve given them no reason to believe you’re anything else.Demigods are meant to kill monsters, not save them.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





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**Author's Note:**

> this entire thing was born from the song "monster" from frozen the broadway musical. if you listened to the song, you'd see that some lines were directly inspired by its lyrics. 
> 
> also i do not care about trials of apollo. jason is dead in that, so i pretend it doesn't exist. this is where the storyline ends for me.

Slowly dying in a jar, there’s not much to do other than exist in a death trance in between eating pomegranate seeds. It’s the only way to survive. 

For now. Your time is running out. 

You’re down to your last seed. You stare at it for a long time, wondering if it’s even worth eating at this point. You’ve held on to false hope for too long. No one’s coming to save you. 

Your death would be the consequence of their fear, but maybe they were right to be afraid. You’re a vindictive liar whose loyalties are unclear to everyone but yourself. You’ve given them no reason to believe you’re anything else. 

Demigods are meant to kill monsters, not save them.

Maybe you should let yourself run out of air. If you die, you could save them the trouble of running into a trap.

Still, there’s a nagging voice in the back of your mind that reminds you that you’re the only one who knows the location of the Doors of Death. If you die, that knowledge dies with you. 

Perhaps they know that as well. If you die, they could still walk into this trap and it would be all for naught. 

So the monster must live. 

Much later, after you’ve finally been rescued by Percy (only for him to fall into Tartarus as you once did), Hazel takes you aside tells you that some of the others wanted to leave you in that jar. She just thought you deserved to know.

You can’t blame them. After all, who would blame demigods for wanting a monster to die?

You don’t want to stay where you aren’t wanted, but you made a promise. You will lead them to the Doors of Death and then you’ll leave. Forever.

Croatia changes that. It also changes nothing. 

Jason seems to want you around now. It seems that he’s so desperate to prove himself to be a good person that he tries to take you on as a charity case. 

Well, you don’t want it. Heroes weren’t meant to pity the monster. 

You were forced to reveal your deepest, darkest secret in front of someone who wanted you dead. Now, he has that information and the power to use it against you. 

You’re still better off disappearing without a trace. No matter how much he preaches trust. 

When you hand Jason a chalice full of poison, you ask him if he trusts you as a way of calling his bluff. You don’t expect him to drink it without hesitation, but he does. You aren’t quite sure what to make of that, but it doesn’t change your mind.

After you finally lead them to the doors and rescue Percy and Annabeth, you stay for one more meal. 

They’re trying to figure out how to transport that stupid statue that’s kind of important in stopping a war from breaking out between the camps. It’s not your problem, so you don’t care.

You shouldn’t care. 

You volunteer to take the statue to Camp Half-Blood. You rationalize this by telling yourself that there’s no need for countless, innocent lives to be lost in a war that never needed to be fought. 

Coach Hedge is kind of a wild card, but he doesn’t see you as a monster. He’s not afraid. He’s just a satyr trying to get back to his wife and you’re going to make sure he’s there to meet his child. 

You try not to think about your mom. Your memories of her are far and few between. 

He deserves to be there for his child and create memories like you never had. 

Reyna, on the other hand, is colder, harder, but she’s not made of stone. Despite her status, you find a kindred spirit in her. 

It also helps that you both have been dealt the crushing blow of unrequited love for the same son of Poseidon. You never speak about it with her, but you both know. Just knowing is enough. 

When Reyna is taken by the Hunters of Artemis, can’t help but be reminded that this was how Bianca left you. 

But Reyna doesn’t leave you. Not that you were worried about that, but you're relieved nonetheless. 

So, when Bryce Lawrence decides to try and beat you at your own game in an effort to detain Reyna, something in you snaps. 

He may have some necromancy powers, but you are the Ghost King. You have no choice but to make him just another ghost. 

Like a true monster, you killed a demigod. 

It takes a lot out of you, even frosting the Earth beneath you. This wasn’t even a power you knew you had. 

Upon awakening, you’re struck with the fear that these tentative friendships you’ve formed are about to crumble around you. You fear that they’ll finally realize the monster you really are. 

Somehow, they don’t. They just acknowledge it and move on. Just like that. You decide not to question it for fear that they’ll change their mind.

When you finally get back to camp, you’re starting to become a ghost yourself. 

It’s also too late. A war has already started. 

You don’t know what to make of Will Solace. He’s a pushy know-it-all that thinks being a doctor is a personality trait. He thinks you’re an overdramatic pessimist with no sense of self-preservation. 

Maybe he has a point, but he also hasn’t experienced the way people have shunned you for your heritage your entire life. So, you discount his opinion as irrelevant. 

When face to face with a crazed Octavian, you reveal your plans to leave. Will tries to say that no one has ever pushed you away. You don’t know what makes you angrier: Octavian trying to persuade you to join his side or Will trying to speak like you’re the cause of your own isolation. 

You hesitated from killing Octavian right then and there, but when he’s about to catapult himself to his own demise, you decide not to stop him. It’s natural selection at its finest. 

There’s no doubt that Will has finally seen you for the monster that you are.

Later, when all is said and done, you don’t quite have the strength to shadow travel again, so you don’t have an excuse when Chiron asks you to do the burial rights for the fallen demigods. 

It’s far too many, but you do them anyway, because it’s what they deserve. 

The next morning, you’re still awake when you hear a knock at your door. Jason’s come to talk. You don’t know why he’s being so persistent. 

You open the door, but let him know that Hazel is still asleep. He asks to talk to you outside. 

You don’t know why, but you agree. 

His appearance is disheveled. He doesn’t look like he got much sleep either. 

He talks to you about Leo, his plans for the temples of all the gods. He’s a busy boy. 

Then he asks the question you knew he was leading up to. Are you going to stay?

You think about it for a second, a second longer than you would have given it before, but the answer is still no. You don’t belong here.

Jason disagrees, but you’re sick of his sympathy. 

You remind him of his own prejudices. If it were up to him, your corpse would be rotting in a jar right now. Your orientation doesn’t change who you are. 

You aren’t a good deed to be checked off his list. 

A look of genuine guilt finds its way onto Jason’s face. He apologizes for who he was, but pleads that he’s not the same person he was when he started this quest. 

Part of you agrees with that. You’re not the same person you were before either. 

You’ve changed. Perhaps he has too. 

Strangely, you find yourself believing him and you tell him this much, but that doesn’t change your mind. 

You tell him what happened after the Titan War. You tried sticking around, you were caught up in glory that came with being a major player in the war, but nothing gold can stay. The monster in you came to light and they turned their backs on you in fear. They always will. 

Jason shakes his head. Not this time, he tells you, not if he can help it. He takes a step closer to you. Have his eyes always been that blue?

You appreciate the gesture, but you’re tired of this camp. Too many bad memories and not enough good memories to make it worth it to stay. 

Patting him on the shoulder, you offer a small smile. It’s more than many people get from you.

You hope your paths cross again. 

For the first time in a long time, you feel hopeful. You need to find your own place in this world and you know it isn’t in this camp. Or even Camp Jupiter. 

It’s not goodbye, not by a long shot. You’ll visit. Your sister and Reyna, mainly, but maybe now you have a reason to visit Jason too.

It’s time to move on. From everything. 

For once, you don’t look back.

**Author's Note:**

> am i irrationally attached to the last line of the last olympian? yes. yes i am. 
> 
> i might fuck around and write a part 2 from jason's pov, but for now this is a stand alone fic.


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